BREATHING SKIN - WITH MOUTHS?

I was sitting on the doorstep this morning watching the moosies in the field across the road.  They were all standing - very still.  I actually think they were frozen solid. 

That is why God puts the sun out every twelve hours so that they can defrost.  Then I thought, well if the moosies are frozen, that means their milk is frozen. So it seems that the farmers and God are working hand in hand.

God, puts the sun up, farmer takes milk and then God takes sun away.  Strange set up.

Anyway, whilst they were standing there I noticed that they were covered in mist. 

Fart, he who knows all, said it was not mist but condensation.  He explained to me that if we breathe out of our mouths, we get the same stuff.

I thought a while - and my brain could just not get around it - so I said to him of all knowledge.

‘So what you are saying is that they have little open mouths all over their bodies?’

He burst out laughing, ‘N-o-o-o-o silly.  But we all have little holes in our skin.  These are called pores and our skin actually breaths.’

‘Y-a-a-a-a,’ I said, ‘pull the other one’.  ‘So when you go for a long walk, your skin starts panting and gets out of breath.  Unless of course you have fit skin?’

Fart looked up at the sky and went in to make another cup of tea.  Didn’t say a word.

I mean, why get the huff.  I am only a very beautiful innocent kitty cat.  You are my partner, I believe everything you say.  If you say skin breathes I believe you.

‘And Fart, I have four paws that I know about and each one of them have l-o-n-g S-H-A-R-P talons on them.  So watch it.  You silly little man.’

Sometimes, I just want to rip up his heated blanket!